I Love her
by lovemesomefics
Summary: there isn't a whole lot of trinine fanfictions out there so i thought id make one but don't judge its my first fanfiction ever so hope you enjoy leave comments and rates letting me know if its good and i will do a chapter whenever i feel like it so for any suggestions please comment :) enjoy
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

I'm terrified; it's the choosing ceremony. I walk in anxious to get it over and done with. I scan the room soaking it in. When I look at the sea of blue, amongst the erudite initiates, is a woman of powerful stance with perfectly straight blonde hair. She starts to walk towards me and my parents and Caleb, that's when it hits me my parents talk about her all the time: Jeanine Mathews, the leader of erudite.

I never expected her to be so beautiful.

As she talks to my parents I can't help but notice her beautiful full lips perfectly framing the rest of her face. Shit she saw me look at her and now she is talking to us. I stand there and say nothing while she speaks

"These are you children, I don't think I knew they were choosing today."

As my brother introduces us both my heart races, what if she asks about why I was staring at her…

"You have a big decision to make today, I'm sure your parents will support the choice you make."

I can't help but reply back

"It's not supposed to be a choice, the test should tell us what to do."

She seems surprised that I spoke. Was she as mesmerized by my voice as I was with hers?

She moves closer slightly smirking.

" Your still free to choose."

"…But you don't really want that."

She moves even closer we are so close I'm surprised she couldn't hear my heart racing.

"I want you to choose who you truly are and where you truly belong, not on a whim, not because you wish you were someone your not but because you honestly know yourself. I want you to choose wisely and I know you will."

As I was waiting my turn to choose my faction her voice and what she said to me kept repeating over and over in my head. I couldn't be in love with her could I?

It was my turn.

I was shaking so much; I walked up towards the five bowls representing the factions. I cut the palm of my hand and watched it start to trickle down my hand. I look to my right before I make my final decision and see Jeanine Mathews standing smiling at me, That it I must choose erudite like my brother so I have the opportunity to sort out my true feelings for her. After a drop of my blood fell into the erudite bowl I looked at her once more she smirked at me and with her slight nod I felt approval that I had made the right decision.

When we were dismissed she signaled to me that she wanted to talk to me before we left. That confused me she hadn't stopped staring at me since I picked so I knew she wanted to talk to me.

"So, Beatrice you choose erudite…"

Shit she is going to ask why

"Why?"

Oh god what do I say?

"Uhhhh.. Yeah.. I don't know it just felt right."

"Well I'm glad you knew your own mind, it's quit rare for children to leave their own faction."

She wouldn't stop staring straight into my eyes.

"I look forward to tutoring you in erudite, the other initiates have already caught the bus to our headquarters so you can ride in my car with me, is that ok with you?"

"Yes, yes that's fine." I say while smirking and looking down. When I look back up Jeanine seems closer to me, she takes a small breathe in and it's so quiet only I can hear it. As she breathes in her chest moves up and down. Wow. The tension suddenly breaks when I step away and we both seem to snap back into reality.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

We finally arrived at erudite headquarters, I'm surprised my heart is still working its beating so fast. Every time I look over at Jeanine who is sitting next to me she quickly turns her head away, concluding my thoughts that she was staring at me.

"The guided tour is probably over so I'll show you around."

Of course.

To be honest I really wanted my own space to soak in all that has happened today, but she won't leave me alone. Does that mean she feels the same way?

When Jeanine finishes the tour she turns to me, pauses and just stares right at me.

Make conversation you fool.

" Are you alright Mrs. Mathews?"

"Ms. Mathews" She corrected "But call me Jeanine"

She smirks, her eyes full of lust.

Am I just imagining that she has lust in her eyes, or is she flirting with me?

She continued the conversation with small talk and then I headed to my room, feeling like I could breathe normally again. Fuck. What is happening to me?

When I was in the quiet of my crystal blue and pure white room I decided to way out my pros and cons of what the hell is going on.

Pros:

She is beautiful

She seems to be flirting with me

I have all the symptoms of love around her

I really want to kiss her…(this can be debated)

Cons:

She is so much older than me

She probably isn't interested

She is my leader and authority figure

If anyone found out we would both be screwed

I'm probably making this all up in my head

She probably doesn't love me like I love her

What if I freak out if something sexual happens

Am I even a lesbian? Or is it just her?

Ok defiantly more cons than pros so ill just leave it until she does something… if she even does anything that is.

Caleb walks into my room.

"I saw you walking around with Jeanine Mathews is everything alright?"

" Yeah don't worry "

"Well come on its dinner we have to go to the cafeteria."

The cafeteria looks unusually clean, but then again so does all of erudite. I sit down with Caleb and some of his new friends. I look around the big area full of buzzing teenagers as I look up I notice a room that has full length windows instead of walls looking over the cafeteria. As I stare in wonder I hear a voice that breaks me out of a trance.

" That's Jeanine's office " This was Caleb's friend Alex.

"Oh" I brush off the topic smoothly as I don't want to think about it at the moment.

I eat my pancakes and blueberries for dessert and sit in silence as others talk around me. I feel someone grab my shoulder I assume its Caleb as he just went to the bathroom. It wasn't. It was Jeanine. Everyone goes silent, my heart starts to race and I feel sick.

" I hope everyone is enjoying dessert, after you have finished you are all to attend your first class, with me" as she says this she looks down at me and smirks, she is mocking me I know it.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jeanine was already in the classroom when we got there. She had changed into a light blue pencil skirt and white blouse. She looked incredible. I sat as far away as I could to avoid being obvious. The lesson went on pretty normally, we learnt about ethanol as a fuel and how fast the speed of light was. I started to dread whether my future at erudite would be full of trying to avoid Jeanine and excel in science and other academics. I will not let my life come down to that, ever.

A week has past and nothing has happened so I was obviously the cause of Jeanine's strange behavior. Now for the challenge of getting over her. How is that even possible? She is gorgeous and everything she says or does makes me fall for her more and more. And now that I know she doesn't feel the same way that's even more heartbreaking. What is even worse is I have to see her at least four times a day. It's now a constant battle to keep my cool around her.

I was in bed one night when a note in a royal blue envelope slipped under my door. It read: "Dear Beatrice, I apologize that it's so late at night and I hoping you get this as soon as possible. But my dear could you please stop by my office? Thank you xx J" I read it 16 times before deciding that I should go. I changed numerous times so id look good and i…even… shaved… I know I'm a disgrace but you never know what could happen.

I swayed back and forth on my front leg to my back several times before plucking up the courage to knock on her office door. She opened it immediately. She had her hair in a perfectly messy sort of way like she was unprepared for me to come, but she still looked amazing. I should make a joke to break the tension.

"People are going to start wondering why you're with me all the time Jeanine ahah."

She laughed a little but she didn't smile, she looked very concerned.

"Come in Beatrice."

I sat on the royal blue sofa meant for two or three people and Jeanine sat opposite in in a single royal blue chair. I looked over to my left to see the wall full of glass that looks upon the cafeteria. I continued to scan the room which was extremely clean and professional, I liked that about her no matter any circumstance she always kept professional. Jeanine kept adjusting her sitting position. She is fiddling with her hands a lot. This isn't going to be good I can tell.

"Uh… so.. Beatrice, I wanted to ask you something or um more like tell you something."

Her eyes were so worried and she kept biting her lip.

I cleared my throat "Uh yeah sure."

I can't believe this is happening; my heart is racing a hundred miles an hour.

"So, Beatrice, Ever since I met you at the choosing ceremony I uh…"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, don't worry, anyway I think I have feelings for you."

The longest silence I have ever encountered consumed the room. Did she just say that? No I'm dreaming I'm imagining this.

"I'm sorry Beatrice, I didn't want to tell you but I couldn't keep it in anymore."

I was so shocked I couldn't speak or breathe. She stood up and sat next to me on the couch. Oh god.

She moved closer to me and placed her perfectly shaped hand on my leg. It felt like a perfect fit, like it was meant to be there forever.

"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable"

"No you didn't, I'm just surprised, because I think I really like you and I didn't realize you felt that way about me, so I'm just shocked that's all, Ms. Mathews."

She leant in and whispered, "Call me Jeanine" and she touches my neck with her lips. A small groan escaped my lips from the pleasure. This must be a dream. I slowly trace my hand along her arm. And in return she slides her hand under the back of my shirt and starts to touch it softly sending shivers al through my spine. I put both of my hands around her jawline and lift her head from my neck and push our lips together. The kiss is so passionate that I rock forward pushing her down so her back is lying on the couch and I'm lying on top of her. The feeling of her body against mine is incredible. Suddenly I realize what I'm doing and freak out I retract and sit up out of breath.

"What's wrong Hun?"

"I can't do this right now I'm so sorry."

Jeanine looks at me with a worried look. I run out of the room panting. I head straight for the bathroom and fall down against a wall curled up in a ball and slow down my breathing. This is crazy what am I doing.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I've been avoiding Jeanine for a whole week, don't get me wrong its hard on me because I just want to be around her all the time but I'm so scared of talking to her. The last time we used our mouths to communicate we had our tongues down each other's throats. People have noticed something is up with me, I've just been saying I'm tired, I can't use this excuse much longer I need to confront this situation. I don't know how though because she has also been avoiding me and she hasn't even been our teacher because she's been "sick". Bullshit she has been sick. I ask around my fellow initiates and they say she comes back tomorrow.

I start to plan. Thoroughly.

All preparations fly out the door as I spot her staring down at me from her office windows. That's it I've avoided this long enough so has she. As I stand up I look at her as she quickly turns away from the window as if getting ready for my arrival.

As I enter her office I shake so much. She takes a deep breathe in, this makes me a little awkward. I just start casually.

"So you've… uh been…uh sick for a while."

"We both know I haven't been sick Beatrice."

"So you were avoiding me?"

"I was avoiding the situation rather than confronting it because I wanted to protect you"

"Wow, I didn't know you actually cared about me that much."

"Well I do"

This makes my heart race twice as fast I ask to leave because I simply can't deal with this conversation right now.

For the next whole week she won't stop looking at me. Whenever I'm in class or I pass her in the hallway she stares at me like she could lunge at me at any moment. So therefore every time I see her I find it hard to control my emotions. This is ridiculous I need to snap out of this nonsense immediately.

I keep trying to change my mindset and tell myself that I'm overthinking the whole thing and she doesn't like me as much as I like her. But then I remember that night, how could that happen if she didn't like me?

I can't stop thinking about her.

This is insane.

We are gathered today to have a formal meeting with all of erudite. Great I have to sit in a hall for an hour trying not to be obvious, I hope Jeanine tries her best too I cant handle this much longer. As I walk in to find my seat I spot Jeanine extremely fast and she has seemed to sense that I have entered the room. She looks up at me from the lower seats of the auditorium smirks and nods and looks away. She is glad I am here, that gives me a certain comfort that I adore. The meeting is about an uprising from the faction-less I'm trying to pay attention because this is a topic I'm interested in but I keep looking at Jeanine every time I try and concentrate I find my eyes wondering towards her beautiful blond hair and perfectly curved body. My heart races and my anxiety levels shoot up and I had to get out of there. People around me make small murmurs as I stand. This draws the attention of Jeanine. I race to the bathroom hoping she wouldn't follow me. I slam the door of a cubical shut and lean against the wall taking a moment to breathe. Once I'm calm I hear a distant steady beat of heels slowly getting louder and louder as someone approaches the bathroom. I am praying its not Jeanine, but at the same time I'm urging it to be her. The footsteps stop very close to the cubical I'm in. There is a long silence then suddenly I hear her beautiful sexy voice that makes me shiver every time I hear it.

"Beatrice, darling are you alright?"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

"STOP! PLEASE GO AWAY!" I shout as tears run down my face. "YOU DON'T LOVE ME SO PLEASE STOP!" I keep yelling I can't control myself " THINK OF OUR AGE DIFFERENCE JEANINE HOW COULD SOMEONE AS SPECIAL AND AMAZING AS YOU LIKE A TEENAGER? THIS IS SO WRONG YOU KNOW IT, THIS HAS MOVED WAY TO FAST HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME IN ONLY LIKE A MONTH AND A HALF, WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME AFTER A WEEK, THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE JEANINE!" I stop yelling and just fall to the ground and cry.

"Beatrice, come out of the cubical so we can talk about this."

"There isn't anything to talk about"

"Of course there is…I care about you and I want you to be ok."

"This is insane, you're my teacher."

"Do you want to know what's so special about you Beatrice?"

I don't reply waiting for her to continue.

"It's crazy because I don't even know when you became so important to me and I want to kiss you every minute, every hour every day for the rest of my life, I couldn't imagine my life without you and trust me I have thought that maybe its some stupid crush but its not only because your gorgeous but also because you are so intelligent you could rule the world, you have a kindness that I don't have, you are the perfect person and I would never want to scare you or hurt you and above all things I never want you out of my life, ever."

I slowly walk out of the cubical to see Jeanine leaning on the basin, she looks concerned and I go and stand at the sink next to her and wash my face.

"I'm sorry Jeanine, I'm just so confused I'm not even sure if I really like you or maybe I like the thought of you liking me I'm just not sure."

"That is fine if your unsure, I just want you to know how I feel about you."

She leant over towards me and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek and started to walk out.

"Wait"

She turned back around

"Maybe we just need to spend more time alone together, so I can sort out my feelings."

"What do you suggest?"

"You could tutor me?"

She turns to leave and smirks at me, moved her shoulder sensually and walked out.

I Waited 10 minutes or so before entering back in to the auditorium. Jeanine was on stage.

She was lecturing about divergents.

"The factions system is a living being composed of cells; all of you. And the only way it can survive and thrive is for each of you to claim your rightful place. The future belongs to those who know where they belong. The brilliance of the faction system is the conformity of the faction removes the threat of anyone exercising their independent will. Divergents threaten that system.

I didn't think she hated Divergents so much I could never tell her that I'm one or she would kill me.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_**The next few chapters will be from Jeanine's point of view from the choosing ceremony and from now on whenever I write a chapter in italic its from Jeanine's point of view.**_

_Another choosing ceremony is today; every year it's the same old same old. I walk down the stairs and notice Andrew Prior and his family. I've never met his children before and I never expected his daughter to be that pretty. She seems to be staring at me a lot. I start talking to her but she doesn't answer. She answers eventually in a defiant way. I'm liking her more and more, she knows her own mind. I tell her to choose whatever feels right. _

_When it comes to Beatrice's turn I am intrigued at which faction she will choose. She just looked at me… she wants my advice so I smile and nod at her, she smiles slightly back and then I hear a booming voice say erudite._

_After the ceremony I wish to talk to her._

"_So, Beatrice you chose erudite"_

_She isn't replying so I continue_

"_Why?"_

_She finally replies with; "Uhhhh… yeah… I don't know it just felt right." _

_She is so shy and its adorable, she has no reason to be intimidated by me. It's cute though._

"_Well I'm glad you knew your own mind, it's quite rare for children to leave their own faction."_

_Perhaps I shouldn't of called her a child she seems very mature for her age._

"_I look forward to tutoring you in erudite, the other initiates have already caught a bus to our headquarters so you can ride in my car with me, is that ok with you?" _

"_Yes, yes that's fine" _

_As she says this I step closer and I take a breathe in as I have a sudden realization of the crush I have on Beatrice. I stare into her eyes for a good 30 seconds and then she steps away, this makes my heart break slightly as I feel the need to be close to her. _

_As we finally arrive to erudite headquarters, thank god I couldn't stop staring at Beatrice the whole car ride here and she was starting to notice. _

"_Your guided tour is probably over so ill show you around"_

_As we walk the sun starts to set and not only does it set on the horizon but also on her face highlighting her beauty. She starts talking to me._

"_Are you alright Mrs. Matthews?"_

_Is she flirting with me? Making sure if I'm single or not, that's quite clever of her._

"_Ms. Matthews… but call me Jeanine"_

_I smirk at that remark. I went back to my office after that to clear my head. I need to get my life together I must be imagining this crush it cant be happening I'm her leader and teacher and she is a young girl, a beautiful intelligent young girl. There's just something about her that makes me shiver with excitement. I just want to be around her. _

_All the initiates were having dinner now and I decided to check weather Beatrice was there. She was. Dam she saw me staring at her what do I do? I'll go down and subtly tell the initiates about their next class I need to do it anyway. I head over to Beatrice's table her back is to me and I have the desire to touch her so I just grab her attention by placing my hand on her shoulder and I inform that table of their next class with me. I'm excited to spend more time with Beatrice. I really like her. I have had experience with love in that past and I know the difference between just an ordinary crush and something more._


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

_I had to go get changed before the class to freshen up. I changed into a white blouse and light blue pencil skirt. When Beatrice entered the classroom she sat right at the back, this probably is a signal that I should back off a little. The whole lesson I couldn't stop staring at her, and all the work I gave her she completed twice as fast as the other students, like I expected she is extremely intelligent. _

_I have backed off for a week now but its getting harder and harder to contain my feelings for Beatrice and I have never fallen in love this fast and its gnarling away at my brain every day I'm separate from her. I'm finding it extremely difficult to get over her, seeing her everyday makes my heart race. I need to tell her my feelings because judging by her body language and the way she acts around me there is a possibility she might feel the same way. I write a letter addressed to her it read:_

"_Dear Beatrice, I apologize that it's so late at night and I'm hoping you get this as soon as possible. But my dear could you please stop by my office? Thank you xx J" _

_As I held the note in my hand I went over in my head if I should actually send it to her room or not. I did. I waited for over an hour pacing back and fourth in my office. She won't come. I shouldn't be doing this. If she does come then I can back out easily and talk about her grades or something. No don't chicken out you fool. I hear a knock at the door. My heart stops._

_When I open the door it takes a long time for either of us to say anything until Beatrice's melodic voice escapes her mouth and says: _

"_People are going to start wondering why you're with me all the time Jeanine ahha"_

_I laugh a little and reply with _

"_Come in Beatrice."_

_She sat on the royal blue sofa and I sat opposite on my usual chair. I gulp hard as I pluck up the courage to say; "Uh... so… Beatrice, I wanted to ask you something or um more like tell you something." I said this and stuttered on my words, I bit my lip with doubt of what I've got myself into. I trail off thinking about what I should say next when my thought process is interrupted with a slight cough followed by; "Uh yeah sure."_

"_So, Beatrice, ever since I met you at the choosing ceremony I uh…"_

"_Are you alright?"_

"_Yes, don't worry, anyway I think I have feelings for you."_

_Shit I just said that out loud. Oh god what do I do what do I say?_

_There was a long horrible silence so I continue_

"_I'm so sorry Beatrice, I didn't want to tell you but I couldn't keep it in anymore." _

_She didn't say anything so I decided to sit next to her on the couch to break the tension. _

"_I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable"_

"_No you didn't, I'm just surprised because I think I really like you and I didn't realize you felt the way about me, so I'm just shocked that's all, Ms. Mathews. _

_I took that opportunity to lean in and whisper "Call me Jeanine". That set both our lusts for each other on fire as I kissed her neck she groaned and this made me hungrier for her love my heart was racing so fast and I was out of breath. She traced her hand along my arm sending goose bumps all through my body. I grab her closer and we fall as she lies on top of me. _

_She jumps off me out of breath, did I do something wrong?_

"_What's wrong Hun?"_

"_I can't do this right now I'm so sorry." _

_I gave her a worried look as she fled the room. I sat there alone in silence thinking about the events that just occurred. I am shocked that she actually felt the same way and I am overjoyed we had that moment of embrace._


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

_We haven't talked for about a week, we have barely even looked at each other and she has been avoiding me like the plague. _

_I feel awful I shouldn't have dropped that on her she is still young…_

_I've decided to take a couple of 'sick days' to give her space and I have to come back tomorrow otherwise it will look suspicious. _

_I decide to just come in a day earlier because this is ridiculous. I'm in my office, observing the cafeteria half looking for Beatrice but half just observing. She sees me and gets up straight away.. oh no she is either going somewhere else to be out of my sight or she is coming to see me._

_As I respond to the knocking on the door of my office I take a large breath in as Beatrice enters the room. She starts the conversation:_

"_So you've…uh been…uh sick for a while."_

"_We both know I haven't been sick Beatrice"_

"_So you were avoiding me?"_

"_I was avoiding the situation rather than confronting it because I wanted to protect you"_

"_Wow, I didn't know you actually cared about me that much."_

"_Well I do"_

_After a long pause I was about to continue when she asked to leave._

_I have a massive urge to talk to Beatrice every time I see her now and every time I'm about to talk to her I doubt myself. She obviously doesn't like me as much as I liker her and maybe she is feeling pressured into liking me because she feels I'm going to do something to her? Oh god I hope she doesn't think that._

_I'm thinking about this too much I need to stop._

_I can't stop thinking about her._

_This is insane. _

_I have to prep for a presentation for the whole of erudite later this afternoon. All I can think is that Beatrice will be in the audience while I'm on stage and I'm going to be in her presence for at least an hour and a half. Dammit. I sit in my seat and every minute I look back up over my shoulder at the door to see if she has walked in to the auditorium yet. Finally she did. I give her a smile and nod. I feel a certain comfort that she is here but at the same time I am now tense knowing she is in the auditorium. Half way through the presentation about 10 minutes or so before my speech I hear murmuring from behind me. As I look to see what the fuss was about I see Beatrice getting up out of her seat in a unusual state. So I give her some time and then promptly follow her to see what is wrong. I have a feeling its to do with me. I head to the bathroom, as that is where I expect her to be. As I enter the bathroom there is one cubical locked and I can hear her trying to get her breath back. I have no clue what to say so I just ask what any normal person would ask:_

"_Beatrice, darling are you alright?" _


	9. Chapter 9

_Chapter 9 _

_"STOP! PLEASE GO AWAY! YOU DON'T LOVE ME SO PLEASE STOP!" Beatrice keeps yelling, I don't know what to say, or do, I just want to help her but I feel helpless. She keeps going._

_" THINK OF OUR AGE DIFFERENCE JEANINE HOW COULD SOMEONE AS SPECIAL AND AMAZING AS YOU LIKE A TEENAGER? THIS IS SO WRONG YOU KNOW IT, THIS HAS MOVED WAY TO FAST HOW DO YOU KNOW YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME IN ONLY LIKE A MONTH AND A HALF, WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME AFTER A WEEK, THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE JEANINE!" _

_She just starts to cry, I feel horrible, I've done this to her._

_"Beatrice, come out of the cubical so we can talk about this."_

_"There isn't anything to talk about"_

_"Of course there is…I care about you and I want you to be ok."_

_"This is insane, you're my teacher."_

_"Do you want to know what's so special about you Beatrice?...__It's crazy because I don't even know when you became so important to me and I want to kiss you every minute, every hour every day for the rest of my life, I couldn't imagine my life without you and trust me I have thought that maybe its some stupid crush but its not only because your gorgeous but also because you are so intelligent you could rule the world, you have a kindness that I don't have, you are the perfect person and I would never want to scare you or hurt you and above all things I never want you out of my life, ever."_

_I feel like crying too. I hate this I wish I never met her so I didn't have to put her through this. She walks out of the cubical slowly and washes her face at the basin next to the one I'm leaning on. She starts to talk:_

_"I'm sorry Jeanine, I'm just so confused I'm not even sure if I really like you or maybe I like the thought of you liking me I'm just not sure."_

_"That is fine if your unsure, I just want you to know how I feel about you."_

_I lean over and give her a soft kiss on her cheek, it sends a rush through my body so I start to walk out, partly because I have a presentation to give soon but also because I so close to jumping onto her. I'm almost out the door when she stops me with a quiet:_

"_Wait"_

_I turn around and let her continue._

_"Maybe we just need to spend more time alone together, so I can sort out my feelings."_

_"What do you suggest?"_

_"You could tutor me?"_

_This made me smile, as I couldn't think of anything better than spending more time with her. _


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jeanine's presentation about divergent's scared me so much. If she ever found out I was one I have no idea what she would do. I've been spending a lot of time with her; her tutoring has helped me to learn more about science but also for my feeling towards her. She makes my heart race every time I think about her beautiful blonde hair and her perfect body. I already know how she feels about me, and sometimes I catch her staring at me with this expression of admiration and love and it warms my heart. We were sitting in a science lab with just us; everyone else was at an active workshop. Her royal blue dress is highlighting her curves, making me smile… she catches me staring at her:

"What is it Beatrice?"

"Nothing" I say quickly and nervously.

There is an awkward silence shortly followed by a warm toned question

"Beatrice, do you remember that time in the bathroom where I kissed you after you had your breakdown?"

"Yes, yes of course, how could I forget."

"How badly did you want to kiss me back?"

I didn't expect her to say that. I should answer honestly..

"Very much Jeanine"

She leans forward to kiss me….I can't resist, we kiss so passionately that we knock test tubes off the table making a loud smash. I pull away cautiously looking around. She tells me not to worry and says:

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"This is what I want, I am not afraid anymore."

This instigates our lust for each other and we continue to make out passionately. I slide my hand down the edge of her body until I reach her waist then I wrap my arm around it and pull her as close as I can, all while we are kissing passionately. The grabs my shirt from the back and slowly pulls it up over my head. She grabs my naked waist and slowly rubs my stomach with her thumbs, sending a tingle trough my whole body. I then fiddle around the back of her dress until I finally fond the zip. I pull it all the way down her back as sensually as I can; I'm trying so desperately not to make this awkward. Her dress falls gracefully off her body, and I stop to just look at her. She says:

"What do you want to do next?"

"Can I touch you?"

She grabs my wrists and pulls my hands towards her breasts; they feel so soft and tender even though they are hidden beneath a lacy black bra. She then caresses my neck with her soft full lips. And works her way down my body until she reaches my stimulated area. It feels so good I have no option but to let out a moan of pleasure. As she eats me out I think back to the first time I saw her smile at me, with her watery grey eyes and perfect jawline. I think I love her. I hope she loves me.

I woke up lying next to her on the floor of the science lab. Her hair was messy and she was having a good dream… she was smiling. I just smiled at her. She started to wake. As she stretched, she saw the time on her watch, jumped up and told me there will be students here in about 10 minutes. We cleaned up as fast as we could and I hurried back to my room. After changing and having something to eat I wandered into the science class I had just slept in and said good morning to the teacher I just slept with.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

The class was the most exciting class I've ever been to. Having this secret between Jeanine and I gave me butterflies. The fact that no one else in the class knew what happened between us last night was a great feeling.

I don't even remember what she was teaching us, I was so distracted by her the whole time. When the class ended she asked me to stay back…

"Beatrice."

She said my name in a tone of voice I have never heard before and that scared me.

"Beatrice… that can't happen again. I could have lost my job."

I suddenly felt sick I didn't know what to say and my eyes started to water.

I stuttered: "Ok…um… If that's what you want…"

"That is what is best, it's not what I want… at all."

I could see the sadness in her eyes that slowly turned into anger.

"Please leave Beatrice."

I walked out of the room feeling like I needed to vomit. Shit. I shouldn't have gotten myself into this mess. It was the most stupid idea. What was I thinking?

Every time I went to her class for the next couple of weeks I didn't look at her and she barely addressed me. How could something so special be over so quickly? This couldn't be happening. I stayed back after class a couple of week later to address the situation.

When I started to approach her she started to pack up her things as if to leave the classroom.

"Don't go I need to talk to you." I said quite severely.

"You can't speak to your teacher like that Beatrice."

"You are more than my teacher you and I both know that."

"NOT ANYMORE BEATRICE!"

Her yell shocked me and I checked the hallways to see if anyone heard it in fear there would be questions.

"Why are you so mad at me?"

"I'M NOT I'M MAD AT MYSELF!" She the turned away from me so that I wouldn't see her crying.

I slowly walked up behind her and softly moved my hands around her waist so that I was hugging her from behind. I then laid my chin on her shoulder. We didn't speak for ages; we just stood in that position our hearts racing. I then let go and slowly walked out of the room leaving Jeanine with her head hanging low and her breath fast.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

_Beatrice just left the room and my heart was in a flurry. My head wanted to end this but my heart wanted to hold her. I'm her teacher, this is so unprofessional of me, and I'm in erudite I should know better._

_I don't know what to do._

_What do I say to her next time I see her? She is so young and naïve she doesn't know what love is but I can feel how much she loves me. And I love her too but I can't let myself. I just can't._

_I head to my sleeping quarters still contemplating what I should do. All I really want to do is fuck her, but I can't keep such a scandalous secret like that from the board. I have bigger things to worry about like organizing dauntless to wipe out abnegation. I can't go through with that while I'm in a relationship with someone originally from that faction that is just unethical of me. But I feel so strongly for her I just don't know what to do. She is in erudite she is smart why can't she see this is a terrible idea?_

_This can't go on I will tell her in the morning. _


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

_I called for Beatrice to meet me in my office. I was growing impatient she was taking a long time…Finally a knock on the door._

"_Come in"_

"_Jeanine, I need to speak to you."_

"_Well Beatrice I invited you here so that I could speak to you, so could I please talk to you for one minute without you being so defiant?!"_

_I said that more aggressively than intended. She curled into herself a little. I think I frightened her. Her jaw started to clench and she stared at me very aggressively._

"_Beatrice… you are in erudite, in erudite we obey orders, we have goals set that we are striving to achieve, and your silly little crush will get in the way of that."_

_She didn't speak. This worried me._

"_Are you going to reply?"_

_She did reply, in a passively calm voice, stretching out the syllables as if it was hard for her to say:_

"_You started this Jeanine." _

_I did start this, she wasn't lying, I was going to argue back, but I thought against it._

"_I know Beatrice, I take full blame for sending that letter."_

"_Yeah well…"_

"_I'm not sorry though."_

"_CAN YOU STOP?"_

"_Stop what?"_

_I was genuinely surprised by her outburst._

"_YOU KEEP SENDING ME MIXED SIGNALS, FIRST YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME, THEN YOU DON"T WANT ANYTHING."_

"_I love you Beatrice…"_

"_SEE? THERE YOU GO AGAIN, YOU DON'T LOVE ME"_

_She was clearly distressed at this point. So I just stayed silent. _

_She calmed down and walked right up to me inches from my face. We were so close to each other I could feel the warmth of her breath. _

"_I want to continue tutoring with you" She said._

"_Ok.. "_

"_I also want to kiss you every minute of the day, but you don't seem to know what you want."_

"_I do now…"_

_We them fell into each other's lips, the kiss was long awaited by both of us. We unfortunately had to stop because class was starting soon. She left, winked at me making me smile._

"_See you soon " she said in a flirtatious way. _


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

I sat on my bed that night thinking about, about our argument and what I would say to her… in tutoring that is… like I know that we will be learning… but we will do other things too, I'm sure of it.

I really need to just focus. And I still haven't found to right time to talk to Jeanine about her presentation and how bad divergent's were. She is so intelligent I'm surprised she hasn't figured out I'm one yet.

All day I keep checking the time to see if its 4 o'clock yet, because that means I get to see her, which is what I desperately want.

When it gets to four o'clock I walk to her office, but on my way I pass two tall aggressive looking men who are holding an unconscious girl who has bruises on her face, her hair is messy and she looks like she is seriously hurt. They look straight at me as they carry her down the hallway, clearly trying to dispose of her. There's only one place that girl could have come from… Jeanine's office.

I swallow hard and tentatively walk towards the office door, I can hear Jeanine's muffled voice and it sounds like she's on the phone. I take a moment before I knock in a light timid way. I hear her respond with "come in" and take a couple of breaths, not sure what I'm expecting to see in her office… will there be blood on the floor? Will it be all messy? Will there be someone else tied up and being beaten?

No.

It was as clean as ever which was more disturbing in a weird way. She starts to walk over to me in her black pencil skirt and white blouse:

"Sorry Beatrice, I'm a bit out of sorts today."

"I can see that…."

She just stared at me and I could see her thought process trying to decide weather or not I saw the girl.

"Please, sit down."

She continued after an awkward pause, which came from my silence

"I'm glad you came today." She said, trying to get me to spill about the girl.

She all of a sudden said something that shook me:

"I need to know I can count on you to enforce the law "

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"There are divergents being hidden in abnegation, and your parents are hiding them."

"How dare you accuse my parents."

"Beatrice, I'm sorry that was out of line."

"Who was that girl?"

"Girl?"

"Don't act dumb, you're in erudite."

"She was a divergent."

"I don't get what is so bad about them." I said under my breath

"They threaten our system."

The hatred in her voice utterly scared me, what would she do is she ever found out that I was divergent?

The heaviness in the room lifted because I said nothing.

"So, Beatrice, what am I tutoring you on today?"

"I don't feel to well I might just go back to my room if that ok."

"Is there anything o can do for you darling?"

"nope."

And I walked out… I didn't just walk out of her office, I walked out of erudite, I walked out of her life. It's way too dangerous for me to be around her and I have no idea if her love for me would ever balance out her hatred for divergents.


	15. Chapter 15

_Chapter 15:_

_My heart was racing and all I could think about was Beatrice… The last thing I wanted to do was upset her, and I feel like I had, I'd never seen her so mad before and I don't even get why she was so mad anyway I mean divergents are a threat to our system and if left unchecked could be the downfall of our society. I feel like she doesn't understand that. _

_I tried to take my mind off it for a little while and went back to my room. I walked over to the liquor cabinet and poured myself a glass of scotch. I changed into my nightwear and slipped on my royal blue, silk dressing gown with black lace trimming. I finished tying my robe and grabbed my drink and sat on the edge of my bed and thought about what to do about Beatrice, something was off with her and I knew it. It was now 11:09 and I had finished my drink and come to the decision that I would send for her in the morning so I wrote a letter that I would send to her tonight. It read;_

_Beatrice,_

_My darling, would you please come to my office tomorrow morning at around 8, for I have a board meeting at 11 and I wish to be with you for longer than half an hour. _

_Please come my angel._

_Jeanine xx_

_I hoped that she would accept my invitation because all I wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything was going to be all right. She tends to stress about other people too much which is a quality I admire greatly in her. _

_And with my heart fluttering, I went to sleep dreaming of my beautiful Beatrice. _


End file.
